I am relieved to report The Format's new protest anthems are perfectly brand-safe

In a year of deeply uncomfortable, loud, and frankly un-synergistic social movements, it is deeply refreshing to see activism handled by seasoned industry professionals. I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with Nate Ruess and Sam Means to discuss the rollout, and I told them point-blank how brave they were for monetising their discontent. Nate started to explain the specific grassroots organisations they were aiming to uplift, but I gently placed a hand on his arm and reminded him that getting too specific in the lyrics makes it notoriously difficult to clear the track for a prime sync-licensing deal in an upcoming Apple TV+ dramedy.

I was particularly impressed by their collaboration with Macklemore, a man who essentially wrote the Harvard Business School case study on how to package moral outrage into a highly consumable, festival-ready product. True resistance, I explained to the boys over a plate of ethically sourced branzino, doesn't mean alienating the people who can afford the VIP lanyards. It means providing those people with a three-minute auditory experience that allows them to feel as though they have done the work, right before they return to their private wealth management portals.

There is a profound, under-appreciated art to the mid-tempo acoustic takedown. When I listen to these new tracks, I feel a deep, resonant anger about the state of the world, but crucially, it is an anger that requires absolutely zero lifestyle changes on my part. I don't have to divest from any index funds. I don't have to share my gated community with affordable housing units. I simply have to add a tastefully produced indie-pop track to my Spotify rotation, and my conscience is instantly cleansed.

Make no mistake, the industry desperately needs this kind of measured, highly profitable dissent. I have spoken to several major label executives who are practically weeping with gratitude. For years, they have struggled to figure out how to capture the cultural zeitgeist of mass unrest without accidentally encouraging anyone to examine the grotesque wealth disparities that fund their own summer homes in the Hamptons. The Format has finally provided the blueprint.

As I left the listening session and climbed into the back of my waiting car service, I felt a genuine swell of hope for the future. The world may be burning, the oceans may be boiling, and the social contract may be fraying beyond repair, but as long as we have incredibly catchy, horn-driven pop songs pointing out that things are generally quite bad, I think those of us in the platinum-tier tax bracket are going to be just fine.