Following the publication of Wenwen owner Eric Sze’s weekly culinary itinerary, local emergency rooms reported 47 casualties among Brooklyn residents attempting to consume a honey-apple-brie baguette, oversized wontons, and a whole pizza before noon.
The fad of replicating a hospitality professional's precise day of rest has quickly overwhelmed local infrastructure. At Bakeri in Greenpoint, a waitlist of 412 aspiring gourmands formed by 7:00 a.m. Tuesday, with most patrons requiring medical attention shortly after attempting the mandatory Brie-and-apple baguette sequence Sze described as a light start to his morning. Management was eventually forced to implement a triage system, clearing tables to accommodate guests who had severely underestimated the sheer density of the artisanal dairy.
These civilians are attempting to replicate a highly intentional consumption schedule without doing the necessary metabolic conditioning.
The grueling circuit, which Sze reportedly completes weekly as a casual way to unwind, requires consuming an estimated 8,400 calories of dense carbohydrates across three distinct neighborhoods. According to municipal foot-traffic data, dozens of amateur diners were found slumped against the windows of local pizzerias by 2:30 p.m., clutching half-eaten slices and weakly requesting a moment to digest before the mandated pork-chop-sandwich leg.
Transportation officials noted a corresponding slowdown on the G train, where participants sluggishly transported their heavily burdened digestive systems toward the next phase of the itinerary. Transit workers reported clearing multiple train cars of food bloggers who had fallen into deep, non-responsive slumbers following the oversized wonton deployment at adjacent Taiwanese noodle shops.
Despite the mounting physical toll, the ritual remains a mandatory status symbol for the city's culinary enthusiasts. By late afternoon, emergency responders were seen administering intravenous fluids to a 31-year-old graphic designer who had tragically attempted to power through a final order of scallion pancakes without a spotter.