In defense of the Tall Tour, a vital safe space for the systemically privileged

Last weekend, I bypassed the general admission line at a crowded downtown venue to partake in a profound civic necessity. I was there to attend the Tall Tour, an exclusive social gathering engineered by 6-foot-9 founder Tyler Bergantino. Billed as a celebration of exceptional height in a world that refuses to provide adequate legroom, the event series is a rare oasis for a demographic that has spent its entire existence ducking under the oppressive architecture of the median majority.

When I first heard about the gathering, I felt an immediate, ancestral calling to be among my people. I stand a humble six-foot-two in the right dress shoes, which means I am constantly navigating the fraught threshold between standard society and the upper atmospheric strata. Stepping into the venue, the sheer volume of square footage displaced by the attendees was breathtaking. For the first time in my adult life, I was looking straight ahead to make eye contact, rather than angling my chin downward in a posture of forced egalitarianism.

There is something deeply misunderstood about the burden of taking up space. For too long, the cultural narrative has been tightly controlled by the statistically average, who gaze upward and see only our systemic advantages. They look at our skeletal length and immediately cry privilege, citing the undeniable facts that we command higher starting salaries, dominate the executive suites of Fortune 500 companies, and possess an unearned presumption of leadership capability.

What they conveniently ignore are the bruises. The vertically average do not comprehend the emotional labor required to exist in a world built to the specifications of the unremarkable. They do not know the quiet indignity of having your forehead graze a low-hanging chandelier during a crucial networking mixer, nor do they understand the constant, low-level vigilance required to avoid concussing oneself on a municipal bus.

Just last Sunday at the farmers' market, I suffered a minor cervical strain while attempting to duck under a bespoke canvas awning to purchase artisanal radishes. It was a trauma that the five-foot-eight demographic will simply never have to process. We are expected to gracefully navigate a built environment that actively resents our biomechanical superiority, all while maintaining the stoic, commanding presence that our corporate boards demand of us.

Society is entirely comfortable extracting physical labor from our frames, yet balks when we ask for a single night of exclusive celebration. In any modern office, the tall man is inevitably drafted as the designated retriever of top-shelf printer paper, the adjuster of the thermostat, and the unofficial changer of the breakroom lightbulb. We are the draft horses of the knowledge economy, expected to perform manual feats for colleagues who get to remain safely seated in their ergonomic chairs.

Hemlock is entirely correct, and the indignities extend far beyond the workplace. Consider the grueling realities of the dating market. Yes, it is true that a vast majority of women explicitly filter for men over six feet tall on dating applications, ensuring we have a mathematically disproportionate monopoly on romantic prospects. But the critics never stop to consider the pressure of being so ruthlessly fetishized for one’s tibial length.

We are expected to constantly inhabit the role of the protector, the literal and figurative umbrella, the perpetual big spoon. It is exhausting to be naturally commanding. Sometimes, a man just wants to stand in a room and not be immediately handed the microphone to lead a synergy meeting, or relied upon to see over the crowd and locate the exit at a music festival.

Nowhere is the structural oppression of our people more evident than in the realm of travel. The average-sized traveler will launch into a bitter tirade about the lack of space in basic economy, completely oblivious to the fact that when I am forced to fly domestic first-class, my kneecaps still occasionally brush against the complimentary hot towel tray.

Lin’s struggle is one I know intimately. Last month, I sought refuge at an expensive corporate wellness retreat in Sedona, hoping to decompress from the rigors of upper management. I was horrified to discover that the provided yoga mats were a standard sixty-eight inches long. For four days, my ankles and feet rested awkwardly on cold, unforgiving hardwood while I tried to achieve mindfulness. It was a stark reminder that even in spaces dedicated to healing, the tall man is an afterthought.

Naturally, when I did a soft launch of my Tall Tour attendance on social media, the group chat of my shorter acquaintances erupted with accusations of elitism. They claimed that hosting a velvet-roped party exclusively for the genetically gifted was somehow exclusionary. They sent me links to statistics about the wage gap between tall and short men, demanding that I check my privilege.

But what these critics completely fail to grasp is the devastating reality of the tall tax. We may be overwhelmingly selected for early promotion, but do you have any idea how much a custom-tailored Italian suit costs when you require extra fabric in the shoulders? Have you ever calculated the sheer caloric intake required to maintain a 210-pound frame during a marathon session of venture capital negotiations? The financial burden is staggering, effectively neutralizing any slight bump we receive in our base compensation.

Tyler Bergantino understands this economic and spiritual toll. By creating a dedicated ecosystem where a 6-foot-9 man can order a cocktail without the glass looking like a novelty thimble in his massive hands, he is performing vital mutual aid. The Tall Tour is not an act of exclusion; it is the radical act of taking up exactly as much space as we have always felt entitled to, but this time with a live DJ and custom-height bar tables.

If the rest of the world feels alienated by our need for a vertical sanctuary, perhaps it is time they looked inward, and upward. The vertically average must learn to sit with their discomfort. Until the systemic violence of standard-sized legroom is addressed, we will continue to gather, we will continue to occasionally bump our heads on low-hanging branches, and we will continue to absolutely crush our quarterly performance reviews.