OAK PARK, Ill. — Brenda Cho, 72, died suddenly on Sunday of profound humiliation after paying ten dollars for a lightly scratched silicone spatula at a neighbor's estate sale.
OAK PARK, Ill. — Brenda Cho, 72, died suddenly on Sunday of profound humiliation after paying ten dollars for a lightly scratched silicone spatula at a neighbor's estate sale.
A titan of the midwestern cul-de-sac, Cho survived the 2008 financial crisis without ever paying retail price for a blouse. She held the local record for successfully returning a half-eaten rotisserie chicken to Costco, a 2014 triumph still revered by her bridge club. However, relatives say her legendary haggling instincts failed her on Saturday morning when she inexplicably handed the widow Henderson a crisp ten-dollar bill for a generic kitchen utensil.
She knew the second she broke a twenty that she had been taken for a ride, and the sheer shame of being outmaneuvered was simply incompatible with her continued survival.
She is survived by her husband, Arthur, three children, and a basement pantry containing enough two-for-one paper towels to outlast the federal government. In lieu of flowers, the family requests you loudly demand to speak to a manager the next time a coupon fails to scan.