After methodically stripping six mature shade plants down to their bare stalks, an adult whitetail deer demonstrated a staggering lack of remorse Tuesday by lying down for an extended rest on the property owner's lawn.
Following a 45-minute feeding frenzy that resulted in the total loss of a curated shade garden, an adult male whitetail deer reportedly folded its front legs and took a leisurely, unbothered nap in the middle of a Dublin front yard on Tuesday morning. Witnesses confirmed the animal made no attempt to flee the scene of the botanical devastation, instead choosing a patch of sun-warmed fescue just ten feet from the bay window where homeowner Arthur Penhaligon was standing. The deer then spent the next two hours peacefully digesting several hundred dollars' worth of variegated foliage in broad daylight.
According to neighbors, the deer meticulously chewed through a row of mature "Patriot" and "Guacamole" hostas before letting out a prolonged yawn, stretching its neck, and dropping its full body weight onto a surviving patch of Japanese painted ferns. Throughout the morning, the ungulate was observed periodically chewing its cud with half-closed eyes, wholly indifferent to Penhaligon’s frantic rapping on the windowpane and his repeated activation of the panic button on his Honda CR-V key fob.
We frequently see wildlife consume suburban landscaping, but choosing to sleep off a heavy meal at the exact site of the destruction indicates a profound absence of fear and respect.
At approximately 10:30 a.m., local sources reported the deer shifted its position to stay in the moving sunlight, casually using a decorative stone turtle to scratch a persistent itch on its left flank. Security footage showed the animal briefly lifting its head to stare directly at Penhaligon as the homeowner attempted to spray it through the porch screen with a garden hose, before slowly lowering its chin back onto its hooves and returning to a deep sleep.
The standoff concluded shortly after noon when the deer finally stood up, stretched its hind legs, and ambled across the property line to begin inspecting a neighbor's unprotected display of blooming daylilies.