The Watsonville mother and towering figure of household cost-benefit analysis succumbed to the physiological stress of paying by the bucket rather than by weight.
WATSONVILLE, Calif. — Janet Furlong, 51, died Sunday under the immense physiological strain of attempting to maximize a flat-rate U-pick strawberry yield.
A towering figure in the discipline of household cost-benefit analysis, Furlong was widely feared at local buffet chains and held the cul-de-sac record for successfully freezing 40 pounds of perishable fruit before it could rot. Witnesses at the farm reported she was deep in the mud, screaming at her teenage children to bypass the pale berries, when her heart gave out from the sheer stress of knowing they were paying by the volume of the cardboard flat rather than by the pound.
She died doing what she loved: aggressively ensuring we got our fifteen dollars' worth, even though none of us actually like strawberries.
Furlong is survived by her husband, two exhausted children, and six gallons of rapidly softening produce that must be processed by midnight. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that mourners bring their own Tupperware to the memorial service.