The longtime television personality and architect of modern reality television passed away Thursday after his flame was formally and permanently extinguished.
LOS ANGELES — Jeff Probst, the television host who spent two decades coaxing starving dental hygienists to eat live beetles on remote island beaches, died Thursday after his personal tribal torch was permanently snuffed. He was 62.
Probst passed away instantly at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center when a hooded figure approached his bedside, stated that the tribe had spoken, and extinguished his life force with a ceremonial wooden snuffer. Medical examiners confirmed his hidden immunity idol had expired just hours prior to his admission, leaving him entirely vulnerable to the vote.
He always told us that fire represents life, and we really should have taken him literally before opening the drafty window in his recovery room.
He is survived by his wife, two children, and 18 strangers currently marooned in Fiji who have not yet been informed that the merge is canceled. In lieu of flowers, the family requests mourners dig at the base of a strangely marked tree to find his remaining personal effects.