Demonstrating a remarkable threshold for psychological torment, an Orlando tourist successfully endured a grueling timeshare presentation Tuesday to avoid paying a $24 admission fee.
ORLANDO, FL—Corliss and his wife, Sarah, were lured into a windowless Wyndham Destinations conference room at 8:00 a.m. under the premise of a 90-minute breakfast seminar. After consuming a complimentary lukewarm coffee and a single miniature blueberry muffin, the couple was subjected to a relentless barrage of high-pressure sales tactics and complex whiteboard diagrams illustrating the depreciating value of traditional hotel stays. Despite his wife’s repeated whispered pleas to simply pay the minigolf entry fee out of pocket and salvage their Tuesday, Corliss remained firmly anchored to his seat, silently enduring a tag-team assault by regional directors determined to saddle him with a 30-year deed for a two-bedroom suite in Cabo San Lucas.
The siege reached its zenith during the third hour, when the initial sales representative was rotated out for a specialized closing agent who immediately confiscated the couple's promotional lanyards. Corliss was reportedly subjected to a 17 percent financing plan, a laminated binder of proprietary point conversions, and a guilt-laden monologue about his hypothetical future grandchildren's vacation memories. Witnesses noted that Corliss neutralized the emotional warfare by maintaining an unblinking stare and occasionally tapping his watch to remind the agent he was only there to retrieve the neon-green slips of paper granting him access to the 18-hole pirate-themed putting green on International Drive.
We threw everything we had at him, up to and including a simulated phone call to our corporate office to authorize an unprecedented 40 percent discount on maintenance fees.
Emerging into the humid Florida sun clutching the heavily creased vouchers, a visibly pale and dehydrated Corliss led his exhausted wife across a six-lane highway to redeem his prize. At press time, Corliss was seen quietly calculating the geometric angle needed to bank a purple golf ball over a synthetic lagoon, reportedly satisfied that his morning had been entirely free of charge.