NASA's Office of Human Capital has formally reprimanded the supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy after it failed to complete its annual anti-harassment training. The disciplinary action, detailed in a new paper published Thursday in Nature, marks the first time an astrophysical phenomenon has been flagged for non-compliance with federal workplace guidelines.
Researchers using the Event Horizon Telescope array confirmed the disciplinary status after observing a massive localized drop in network access privileges approximately 26,000 light-years from Earth. According to the findings, Sagittarius A* received four automated reminder emails regarding the interactive module before its agency credentials were suspended. The paper reveals that the four-million-solar-mass entity has persistently ignored HR communications since the start of the fiscal quarter, instead focusing its energy on devouring surrounding stellar matter.
Observations from the Chandra X-ray Observatory corroborate the human resources department's internal logs, showing no fluctuations in the black hole's accretion disk that would correspond with passing a multiple-choice quiz on microaggressions. Researchers were particularly dazzled by the sheer bureaucratic density required to lock a celestial body out of the agency's timesheet software. The mechanism by which NASA intends to enforce the formal written warning remains a subject of intense debate among theoretical physicists.
The telemetry clearly shows Sagittarius A* consuming a cloud of interstellar gas, yet we have detected zero thermal emissions to indicate it ever opened the link to the Title IX refresher course.
However, independent researchers caution against rushing to judgment regarding the galactic center's professional conduct. A preprint uploaded to arXiv on Tuesday hypothesizes that the required federal employee portal may simply be incompatible with the extreme spacetime curvature near the singularity. The model suggests the intense gravitational field could cause the corporate intranet page to infinitely buffer before the compliance certificate ever generates. Until a specialized probe can safely navigate the event horizon to contact IT support, the center of the galaxy will remain ineligible for its standard cost-of-living adjustment.