Dodgers manager Dave Roberts confirmed Tuesday that the franchise’s primary revenue vehicle is operating at an "eight or a nine" out of ten and has been authorized to face the San Diego Padres. Medical staff reportedly spent the morning reviewing the two-way star’s amortization schedule before clearing him to play.
Dodgers manager Dave Roberts confirmed Tuesday that the franchise’s $700 million primary revenue vehicle, Shohei Ohtani, is currently operating at an "eight or a nine" out of ten and has been authorized to risk further structural depreciation against the San Diego Padres on Wednesday.
Speaking to reporters ahead of the pivotal divisional matchup, Roberts explained that while the two-way star’s physical chassis remains slightly compromised, the front office has determined his condition is sufficient to fulfill the team’s international broadcast obligations. Team physicians reportedly spent Tuesday morning reviewing Ohtani’s contract insurance policies before officially clearing the designated hitter to subject his surgically repaired joints to rotational torque.
Roberts noted that the organization ran a comprehensive risk-reward matrix, ultimately deciding that an eighty-percent operational Ohtani is still the only tangible asset preventing the franchise's Pacific Rim television partners from voiding their agreements.
While deploying a structurally compromised unicorn against a division rival carries inherent downside, our internal models indicate his mere presence in the batter's box is required to service the debt on our recent stadium renovations.
The activation temporarily supersedes the organization’s strict load management protocols in favor of immediate cash flow. League insiders confirmed that scratching Ohtani from a prime-time slot would have triggered a contractual clawback from three Japanese corporate sponsors and caused a localized depression in the secondary ticket market.
The front office has reportedly stationed a team of actuaries in the home dugout to recalculate the franchise’s net worth after every swing.