The New York Heights have suspended lease negotiations on their Illinois rental home, warning local officials they will explore “all civic-partnership opportunities” if the municipality refuses to fully fund a new pack of assorted highlighters.
The standoff between the first-year Women’s Pro Baseball League club and local taxpayers escalated Tuesday when Heights manager Rocky Henley abruptly walked away from the dining room table where the team’s core operational infrastructure is housed. Henley cited a “lack of vision” from local leaders regarding the franchise's demand for a multi-dollar investment in graphing paper.
Following the collapse of the talks, the team's ownership group released a mock-up of the proposed enhancements, sketched entirely in purple marker, to demonstrate the kind of winning culture the city was risking losing.
We are simply asking for a public-private partnership that reflects our value to the local economy, which currently stands at roughly nine dollars.
The franchise’s front office—currently anchored by Henley’s son Jackson, who was recently named Assistant Manager of Baseball Operations while wearing flannel pajama pants—issued a statement demanding the city foot the bill for crucial off-field amenities. The proposed term sheet requires the county to subsidize a Friday night karaoke machine rental and absorb the luxury tax on the bullpen's scheduled homework breaks.
Should the municipality fail to meet the demands by the trade deadline, the Heights are reportedly prepared to pack up their scattered rulebooks and relocate the entire organization to a slightly larger Airbnb one town over.