In his first company-wide memo since taking the helm, newly appointed Apple CEO John Ternus generated excitement for next week’s product event by confirming the tech giant will finally release a smartphone designed to crack straight down the middle.
According to the internal document circulated to staff on Tuesday, Ternus stated that after years of watching customers accidentally drop their phones to achieve a shattered display, Apple’s hardware team had spent billions returning to first principles to "productize the destruction."
The resulting foldable device will reportedly feature a proprietary titanium crease mechanism. Schematics leaked to a GitHub repo suggest the new hinge guarantees the primary OLED display will naturally delaminate and split within three months of regular use, seamlessly bypassing the need for concrete sidewalks altogether.
For over a decade, our users have had to rely on sheer clumsiness or car doors to violently compromise the integrity of their devices," said Craig Federighi, Senior Vice President of Planned Hardware Fractures. "Next week, we are empowering them to achieve a catastrophic glass failure simply by closing the phone to put it in their pocket.
Analysts noted that Apple’s entry into the foldable market, while years behind competitors like Samsung, will uniquely integrate the broken hardware into the broader iOS ecosystem. The company is expected to enforce a mandatory $499 AppleCare+ Fold Tier, exclusively covering the inevitable accumulation of pocket lint that will instantly brick the exposed logic board.
The product showcase is also rumored to unveil a proprietary $129 magnetic clamp, elegantly designed to hold the two severed halves of the smartphone together once the primary hinge gives out.