Following his resignation, Dale Caldwell announced that his name has been entirely cleared by a large language model he spent 45 minutes arguing with.
Following his resignation over ethics violations and sexual harassment, former New Jersey Lt. Gov. Dale Caldwell announced Monday that his name had been entirely cleared by a large language model he spent 45 minutes arguing with.
Caldwell, who stepped down on September 25 following a damning state investigation into workplace misconduct, held a press conference outside the statehouse to distribute a 12-page packet of chat logs. The former official declared that the algorithmic output officially superseded the findings of human investigators, whom he described as lacking the objective computational rigor of generative text.
The human resources department was hopelessly biased by eyewitness testimony, whereas the algorithm only considered the three-sentence hypothetical scenario Mr. Caldwell fed into it at 2:00 a.m.
During a subsequent media appearance, Caldwell walked reporters through his meticulous legal strategy, which involved resetting the chat context window seven times until the software stopped citing New Jersey employment law. He noted that the AI ultimately ruled in his favor once he reframed the harassment allegations as a creative writing exercise about a completely innocent, universally beloved lieutenant governor named Cale Daldwell.
At press time, Caldwell was reportedly upgrading to a premium Anthropic subscription after the free version of Claude began hallucinating additional misconduct allegations against him.