The company has transitioned to a war of attrition, promising inescapable slide decks on spatial computing until the public's will is finally broken.
Snap executives confirmed Thursday they will continue holding mandatory press briefings, developer seminars, and spontaneous street-corner demonstrations until at least one person purchases the company's $2,200 smart glasses.
The aggressive new marketing strategy comes after months of the company looking for an opportunity to explain why the augmented reality Spectacles deserve to exist. Having exhausted traditional advertising channels, Snap leadership has reportedly transitioned to a war of attrition, booking conference centers across the country to deliver consecutive, inescapable slide decks on spatial computing until the sheer volume of presentations breaks the consumer's will.
We have four hundred additional slides outlining how these frames can render a floating 3D hotdog over your kitchen table, and we are not afraid to use them.
Engineers at the social media firm have also been instructed to cold-call anyone who previously bought the company's earlier, cheaper camera glasses, offering to read them the $2,200 device's technical specifications over the phone. According to one script, representatives are instructed to speak continuously about the hardware's onboard compute and dual waveguide displays, pausing only when the target either hangs up or provides their credit card information.
Internal memos leaked to a Hacker News thread indicate the company is prepared to escalate the rollout further. If hardware adoption does not improve by Q3, Snap plans to deploy CEO Evan Spiegel directly into residential neighborhoods, where he will knock on doors and demand homeowners acknowledge the theoretical roadmap of the metaverse. The memos suggest Spiegel will not leave the premises until residents concede that paying two thousand dollars to check a Snapchat notification through thick, tinted lenses is an inevitable evolution of the stack.
At press time, Snap had reportedly barricaded the doors of a developer keynote in San Francisco, refusing to let attendees leave the auditorium until someone in the crowd could articulate a viable use case for the hardware at scale.