Suspending all daily executive functions, the Meta CEO has reportedly locked himself in a Reality Labs testing chamber to painstakingly calibrate his digital counterpart's thoracic dip.
Suspending all daily executive functions and canceling a scheduled earnings call, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg has reportedly entered his fourth consecutive day of manually adjusting the spinal alignment sliders on his Horizon Worlds avatar. Internal server logs show the billionaire has spent the last 86 hours locked inside a Reality Labs testing facility, painstakingly calibrating his digital counterpart's shoulder drop to project an aura of casual, relatable dominance.
The obsessive tweaking has reportedly ground all other virtual reality development to a halt. Engineers were ordered to pause the rollout of a massive software update in order to divert server capacity toward simulating the exact resting tension of Zuckerberg’s virtual lats. According to leaked internal memos, the chief executive became visibly distressed Tuesday afternoon when he realized his avatar’s default posture was set to rigid, demanding an immediate hotfix to induce a 12-degree slump in the 3D model's upper back.
We had to abandon the entire upcoming leg update because he needed the rendering budget to simulate the exact tension of a guy pretending he isn't clenching his jaw.
Throughout the week, Zuckerberg has repeatedly subjected senior leadership to mandatory viewing sessions, forcing board members to stand in silence as he nudges the digital collarbone down by fractions of a millimeter. Witnesses stated the CEO repeatedly asked the room whether the avatar’s current pelvic tilt communicated that he was a visionary founder who occasionally enjoyed a smoked brisket, or if the lumbar deflection made him look vulnerable to a hostile takeover.
The project hit a major setback early Thursday morning when a physics engine glitch briefly caused the avatar to stand with the relaxed, fluid spine of a regular human being. Horrified by the lack of tension, Zuckerberg reportedly deleted the profile and ordered the engineering team to rebuild his digital skeleton from first principles.